I have given a lot to this club.
I flew to New Zealand to watch the Newcastle 2015-16 preseason tour and fulfilled a life-long dream of sitting in St. James’ Park to watch a game live.
I have celebrated the highs, and shed tears for the lows.
I do not claim to be the best fan in the world, I am not even in the conversation. But some of us have quite literally given their life for Newcastle United, that is how much this club means.
Thursday morning saw the Toon relegated for a second occasion in Mike Ashley’s reign as owner, this time embarrassingly thanks to neighbours Sunderland.
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The first time in 2009 was heartbreaking. Whether it was because of the way in which it happened (a Damien Duff own goal when all we needed was a point), or because the idea of a club like this dropping to Championship seemed ludicrous.
Regardless, the Magpies went down and there is no shame in admitting that I wept at three in the morning.
This time around was different.
I did not cry, I did not feel sad, I did not even feel angry; I just felt disappointed.
Disappointed at the fact that the same mistakes were continuously made year after year. Disappointed that it could be seen a mile away that this was coming. Disappointed that the players of this season could not care less about the badge and the history behind the shirt.
The club, in its current state, is an insult to those who helped build it. People like Bobby Robson, Alan Shearer, Kevin Keegan, Jackie Milburn, the list goes on.
Beyond that, it is an insult to the very foundations on which the club is built – the fans.
50,000 regularly fill St. James’ to continuously see pathetic football, served up by pathetic players. Rafa Benitez tried his hardest, but at the end of the day a team that can only take two points off the other three relegation rivals deserves to go down.
To be run by a businessman who views the club more as an asset rather than the lifeblood of an entire region is not what the fans deserve.
It is hard to see the Newcastle side in its current state returning to the promise land anytime soon, and that is what is most frustrating.
Newcastle was like that girl you are madly in love with who continuously breaks your heart, but you hold that glimmer of hope that she will take you back, only to not show up for your first date.
Now it is far worse than that.
The Magpies are like that kid who has all the potential in the world, but throws it all away after mixing in with the wrong crowd. All you can do is watch as their life spirals out of control, knowing that everything you do to pull them out of it falls on death ears.
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